Saturday, 2 December 2006
Frustrated, Angry, Hurt
I'm not entirely sure that I should blog today as I am not in the best of moods! Those of you who read my MSN Space will know that my Dad has severe arthritis in his right knee. You will also know that it took many months of nagging to get him to go to the doctors in the first place. It got to the stage about 6 months ago where he couldn't even walk to the shop across the road from his house let alone walk to my house, do his shopping etc. He kept telling me that he couldn't do something because he was too busy and I was very hurt that he thought I was stupid enough to believe all the rubbish that was coming out of his mouth. Anyway the day finally came today for his appointment at the hospital to see a consultant surgeon. Well I am so livid! He lied about how much it bothered him, lied about how many cigarettes he smoked when he was asked, said he had an allotment and a garden at home and led the surgeon to believe he was still able to do it so I had to open my mouth and say that he had a hell of a smoker's cough and it was ages since he'd been able to do his allotment. He said it wasn't it was only a few weeks so I told the truth and said it was 6 months. Rather than have surgery he asked if there was any pills he could take so he said he could take pills for it but he may find that they don't work that well and he's also sending him for physiotherapy to see if that helps. So now instead of maybe waiting 3 to 6 months for an operation had he gone on the waiting list today he's going to be waiting a damned site longer. I just can't understand him as he's so used to being active and independant. I am sorry if you think I'm being hard on him but it is left down to me to do his shopping and everything else he can't do( even down to buying a Christmas card for my DH and I). If I were an only child I think I would probably just accept it ( I would still be angry at him for not taking the opportunity for a new lease of life) but I am not yet it's all left down to me. I'm afraid if my sister says anything to me about my Dad probably being scared or anything like that I will simply blow and she will see a side of me she never has before. There will be years of my pent up emotions from when it was down to me to look after my Mum. What with Christmas shopping and food shopping for him I don't know if I'm coming or going and today was just the final straw. I can't make up my mind whether I want to cry, punch a pillow or have a damned good scream!